Body image struggles are escalating at alarming rates among teens and young adults, with today’s digital culture only amplifying the pressure. Initially, the Body Positivity Movement brought a wave of hope, celebrating body diversity and encouraging self-acceptance. But in recent years, and especially in the past few months, there’s been a noticeable resurgence of rigid body ideals.

We are seeing a rise of curated, aspirational content of “SkinnyTok” to the hyper-masculine expectations within the manosphere and incel communities. This content is bombarding young people with damaging messages about appearance, worth, and power. It feels as if we’ve come full circle, with once-silenced ideals returning with renewed force. Even the rise of “femcel” narratives showcases a darker twist on femininity, often preying on young women’s insecurities and fostering resentment. These messages reinforce internalised hate and misogyny and the belief that a person’s value lies solely in their physical appearance. What once felt like a shift towards equality and diversity now seems to be rapidly undone.

Yet, behind the filters and fitness trends lies a deeper story: one of shame, emotional disconnection, and a desperate need to belong. This blog explores why so many teens turn to body image issues and eating disorders to cope. We discuss how cultural modelling and perfectionism take hold, and what children truly need to thrive, to be seen, heard, and valued.

The Role of Shame and Control

When we feel shame, a natural response can be to seek achievement or pride to gain a sense of control. Shame, an emotion linked to social ranking and hierarchy, often arises from beliefs related to failure or being unworthy. When we feel like an outsider, as we can’t relate to others, seeking achievement or pride becomes a primary coping mechanism to gain control. For teens and young adults actively seeking independence, food, appearance, and exercise can be some of the first things they turn to for control. The pervasive messaging suggests that if we look a certain way, we’ll be accepted. Therefore, controlling our food, weight, and shape must be the antidote, right?

While this theory isn’t entirely flawed, it is incomplete. To overcome shame, we need to feel empowered. To feel empowered, we need to gain a sense of accomplishment and pride. So, if we adapt our body to look a certain way that society congratulates, will pride come flooding in? Not necessarily. Unfortunately, if we haven’t developed a solid self-worth from consistently being seen, heard, and valued while growing up, this fleeting and superficial empowerment becomes our only source of confidence. As a result, it leads to unrelenting perfectionism. If we’re always trying to change our body to gain approval from others, our standards are ever-changing, and we can never truly feel “enough.”

In time, our efforts to change our body are acknowledged and praised. This leaves our worth feeling conditional, tied solely to our physical appearance. For those who have never felt like they fit in but finally feel included due to pursuing a body ideal, these behaviours become deeply entrenched. They feel compelled to persist with their efforts, unable to let go.

The Pain of Being Different

Individuals who grow up feeling different, including neurodivergent or queer individuals, are at heightened risk. A recent audit at our clinic showed that 85% of individuals with severe and enduring mental health issues being seen by our founder, Thomas Midgley, were neurodiverse. While genetics may play a small role, we believe the issue is predominantly social. When we are in an environment where no one appears to be like us, we are made to feel different, struggling to form connections or relate to others; our perceived isolation fuels shame.

For these individuals, perfectionism and body control may become the only way to survive. They strive to meet unrelenting standards, numb their pain, or disconnect altogether. Crucially, disordered eating, self-harm, substance abuse, and depression aren’t acts of vanity. They are coping mechanisms to relieve the pain of emotional and social disconnection.

However, there is an antidote. While social media continues to build a narrative that we can only fit in if we look a certain way, we can protect ourselves. By learning from those around us, including our friends, mentors, and supportive adults, we can develop a strong protective factor.

The Power of Modelling on Body Image

Our human capacity to model behaviour after others is one of the main elements that separates us from other animals. Children look up to older peers, celebrities, social media influencers, and even characters on TV. This modelling is inevitable, regardless of whether social media is present. You can take away someone’s phone, but they will still look up to the older kids in the playground. They may have watched something on TikTok and engage in destrutive behaviours. In this way, modelling continues to persist. Whenever we are in a state of self-doubt, we ask ourselves: “What do I need to be to belong? To be like the others?” There’s no pause for questioning, reflecting, or thinking about the impact our actions will have. We are just seeking the quickest way to feel safe, secure, and like we fit in.

Modelling drives social rankings. For women, appearance has historically been the currency. For men, the focus has often been on attainment: the best car, a latest watch, a desirable partner, a respectable job, a high salary, and increasingly, an aspirational body. Of these, the only ones that often appear attainable are the aspirational body and the messaging that comes with the possibility of a desirable partner. With the rise of the manosphere and incel culture, toxic ideals of masculinity, perfection, and thinness dominate young boys’ screens, making appearance a main currency for male social rankings too. From “SkinnyTok” to femcel narratives, all these narratives often see women as objects to be consumed and attained, reinforcing the belief that physical appearance dictates the value of both men and women and fuelling hate and misogyny.

Using Our Platform to Empower Others

Redirecting cultural and aspirational drivers presents a significant challenge. Our young people need space and opportunity to generate authentic and meaningful in-person relationships, across genders, prior to puberty. This is crucial to counteract the competitive, individualistic, and intersectional relationships perpetrated by wider culture, family culture, schooling systems, and increasingly superficial digital, screen-based lives.

Instead of funding influencers who make us feel insecure, we need to empower those supporting body diversity to extend their reach. We can do this through:

• Supporting body-diverse social media influencers and unfollowing those who make us feel self-conscious (even one unfollow can have an impact—imagine if we all did this!).
• Engaging in body image programmes in schools like The Body Project,, which helps young people critically examine societal pressures and redefine self-worth beyond the mirror.
• Encouraging body-related conversations with our children to let them know we are listening and their concerns are valid.
• Instead of leaving our children to absorb messages from screens, let’s create a space for conversations to examine how our bodies make us feel, the messages we have internalised, and what this means for our self-confidence and all the ways we can generate confidence.

The Development of Body Image Struggles

To build a strong foundation of self-worth and emotional resilience, children and teens need to be:

• Seen, heard, and valued by being encouraged to express themselves from an  adult who listens, reflects, and empathises. Instead of trying to fix or be solution-focused, often seen as “helicopter parenting”.

When we don’t make space for a child’s emotional expression, or when a parent struggles to contain their own stresses and emotions, a child’s own feelings can feel like a burden on their caregivers. This, in turn, leads to the fusing of emotions like sadness or anger with shame or fear, making these emotions feel overwhelming and disempowering. This inhibits the processing of distressing experiences going forward, fuelling early independence and self-blame. If a child becomes independent prior to later adolescence, this isn’t a positive trait; it’s born out of mistrusting or giving up on their caregivers as effective support structures, or learning they need to prioritise the needs of their caregivers or others so as not to add additional distress or burden them.

Supporting Those with Body Image Struggles 

However, if we support young people by consistently making space for their cognitive and emotional needs, they can realise that emotions are nothing to fear. Instead, they can understand their function as a guide to help us understand and make decisions. The better we are at communicating and understanding our emotions, the better we are at effectively processing adverse experiences through life, and the less likely we are to struggle with our mental health and self-worth.

When we support our young people through emotional conversations, their brains create neural pathways for regulating feelings. This is how resilience is built. It isn’t about solving the problem; it’s about being there, being present. Recovery requires the ability to assert oneself, confront adversity, and feel empowered, not dominated by internal critics. Yet, in many cultures, assertiveness is misunderstood or discouraged.

Professor Paul Gilbert suggests that while unregulated anger can easily dominate us, it’s an emotion that holds potential for growth. When we learn to observe and understand this anger, rather than being swept away by it, we can skilfully channel its energy. This allows it to become assertiveness – a crucial capacity for self-protection, for communicating our needs clearly, and for navigating the world with greater effectiveness. If we can teach the next generation that it’s okay to say no, to set boundaries, and to stand up for what they believe, not only will we support them to fit in, but we’ll protect their well-being too.

Changing the Media and Cultural Landscape

Marketing thrives on inadequacy. The more insecure we feel, the more products we buy. Teenagers, already in a fragile state of identity formation, become prime targets. From filters to fitness programmes, brands often prey on vulnerability.

Change must happen at multiple levels:

• Marketing and advertising that stops preying on our insecurities and starts empowering us to thrive.
• Social media transparency, showing reality, not just highlight reels or heavily edited photos (and now videos).
• Emotional education in schools, so children can name and manage their emotions without feeling overwhelmed.
• Parental modelling, by discussing and processing emotions together, instead of hiding them.
• Media literacy programmes that teach young people to critically assess what they see and how it makes them feel. This includes educating them about the persuasive tactics used in advertising and social media.

Beyond the Surface

The antidote to body image struggles won’t be found in another diet, workout, or beauty trend. It’s found in authentic relationships where each person is able to be seen, heard, and valued. When we emotionally support our young people and respect their emotional experiences, we can help reduce their measuring of their worth by their waistline.

To change the outcome, we must change the input. We need to build more authentic relationships, redefine aspirational modelling, confront marketing tactics, and build emotional and social media literacy. Above all, we need to create environments where no one has to change their body to feel accepted.

When young people are met with empathy, connection, and validation, they can thrive and not just attempt to survive.

If you or a young person you care for is experiencing body image struggles, our new body image programme, Beyond the Surface can help. It is designed to help you understand emotions, develop compassionate courage, and cultivate long-lasting confidence that extends beyond body image to help with all aspects of life.

Reach out today to find out more; we are here to help you develop confidence from the inside, out.